How to Write Better Description

Photographs can help provide detail for descriptive writing

One of my lightbulb moments in writing came when it finally sank in that specific was better than general. For example, we could say:

The boy bounced the ball.

But we can all see that's pretty vague. It doesn't conjure any clear image in the reader's mind. Perhaps say:

Bobby Reynolds dribbled the basketball across the court.

Now we have a better idea of what's happening. And I'd have to admit, that last one is how I'd probably describe a boy playing basketball. Other than 'dribble', I have no knowledge of the game. Truth is, if I don't know what a basketball game really looks like, then I won't be painting the picture with my words. So how can we get better detail? By studying the specific. If you were to watch some YouTube clips of a game, read up on the rules and lingo or even better, turn up for a live game, you'd get a better feel for the actions, emotions and surroundings.

In our writing group last week, we looked at improving our descriptions by using more specific detail. This was a really fun exercise (adapted from one I found in Don't Forget to Write), it involved writing and drawing (but don't worry, because no amazing artistic skills are required). You could use just about any topic for this exercise, I chose to use animals. Here's the steps:

A 'before' sketch of a crocodile

1. Each participant is given the name of an animal (big red kangaroo, chimpanzee, octopus, draft horse, snow owl, sea turtle, rhinoceros, crocodile, etc).
2. Once you know which animal you are using, try to draw a picture of it. There should be no visual aids or prompts, just draw from memory.
3. Write a short descriptive passage about that creature.
4. Now I hand out to the participants a figurine and blown up photograph of the creature, to compare to their drawing.
5. You redraw the creature, this time taking particular notice of the small details you overlooked previously. For example, the way the fur/skin/feathers/scales sit, how the creature holds itself, the particular shape of the eyes, etc.
6. Once you're happy with your new sketch, write a new descriptive passage, this time including some of those smaller details.

I love the little ears on the seal, I would have forgotten those without a photo.

All the animal pics on today's blog are taken by Tim Clancy

I worked on an octopus and my memory conjures up the likeness of Henry from the Wiggles:

Picture from The Wiggles official site, click to visit www.wiggletime.com

But with the help of a photo and figurine, I was able to write about an octopus in a way I hadn't considered before:

Lilly spread her arm out in front. The water was thick and bubbles effervesced from her breathing apparatus, making patterns up towards the blue light above. The octopus swayed from side to side. It floated a little closer, curious about the girl in front of it. It’s long tentacles swished and curled about, each taking their own direction, moving to their own silent rhythm. On each tentacle little suction cups pulsated. It was the eyes that surprised Lilly the most. The way they’d look right into hers, taking her in. You’re a funny thing, they seemed to say. Now the tentacles encircles Lilly’s hand, caressing it gently. It was patting her like she was its new pet. 

My sketch of an octopus after seeing a photo.

So try to get the specific detail in your description writing. A few carefully placed key words or verbs will help the reader find the scene believable. Now you try - maybe watch a clip of someone playing basketball and write a short passage? Share it if you want to. I love to see what you're writing!

Read More

Marketing your ebook and links

Today you'll find a post by me over at Romantic Friday Writers. The post is all about marketing your novel once you've published, and has some helpful tips for self-publishers. Please head over and say hello!

So that my blog is not completely empty this week, here are some fantastic links on story structure and finding a formula for your plot:

1. The Lester Dent Pulp Paper Master Fiction Plot
2. Structure by Screenplay Mastery
3. Get a Little Conflict in Your Scene
4. Writing Novels - Formulas and Structures
5. How to Write Your Novel Using a Formula
6. Story Structure and Plot - Novel Writing Tips
7. Plot and Pacing Part One, Plot and Pacing Part Two and Plot and Pacing Part Three
8. Story Elements Checklist for Brainstorming Index Cards
9. Writing Lessons by Richard Setlowe
10. Novel Endings 

Read More

Opening lines and hooks.

 The first line of your narrative is your connection with the reader. You want to make an impact, build an interest so the reader commits to the narrative. Like all relationships, there will be ups and downs. Your narrative will require quick moving/action scenes but also need to give your reader a rest with easier paced sections and ways to pass on necessary information.  Make sure your reader has a strong investment in the narrative so they will see you through the slow times.  Fashion of narrative styles have evolved along with the medium and technology that delivers them. Today readers want the story to start moving straight away, and it's harder to hold their attention for long. Many experts are suggesting that the way we read is changing, see this great article: Does the Brain like E-books?So when we hear of opening hooks in novels today, the need has developed to have intermittent hooks throughout your narrative.  There are different techniques you can use for a begining paragraph, the main key is to give the reader just enough information to let them know this is the type of story they would enjoy reading, but not too much, they'll have to read more to find out what's going on.   Lets look at a few examples: Mark Twain started Buck Fanshaw's Funeral with:Somebody has said that in order to know a community, one must observe the style of its funerals and know what manner of men they bury with most ceremony.It's intriguing enough, but two paragraphs down is where I think Twain would begin his tale today:On the inquest it was shown that Buck Fanshaw, in the delirium of a waisting typhoid fever, had taken arsenic, shot himself through the body, cut his throat, and jumped out of a four-story window and broken his neck - and after due deliberation, the jury, sad and tearful, but with intelligence unblinded by its sorrow, brought in a verdict of death "by the visitation of God." Von Fiend's children's book Ock, the story of a young vampire, begins:Ock's place is hard to miss. It's the scary mansion, just outside of town. When you start getting the creeps, you know you're getting close. Those styles peak the curiosity of the reader, but there are other ways to build a relationship. Try putting the reader into the 'place' of your novel quickly so they immediately picture where they are.Cornelia Funke paints a vivid picture in the opening of Dragon Rider:All was still in the valley of the dragons. Mist had drifted in from the sea nearby and was clinging to the mountains. Birds twittered uncertainly in the foggy damp, and clouds hid the sun.The reader has an immediate phsyical sense of connection with the setting. Another thing to remember is: Make sure you live up to your promises!  I recently bought a book based solely on the opening line:When all is said and done, killing my mother came easily. Okay, this may reveal some Freudian state of mind about me. But the point is, I found the rest of Alice Sebold's The Almost Moon, a bit of a let down. For starters, killing her mother did not come easy at all, the actual act took a lot of effort, was clumsy and there were severe repercussions. Don't lie to your reader.  Stephanie Meyer's 1st chapter of Twilight begins with:My mother drove me to the airport with the windows rolled down. It was seventy-five degrees... Not very thrilling (especially for a thriller), and there are many chapters to come before things get exciting. So how did she get a commitment from so many young readers known for their short attention spans?  A great preface:I'd never given much thought to how I would die- though I'd had reason enough in the last few months - but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this. Here's my go, this is how I began Dog Show Detective a story about an 11yr old girl who takes her dog to shows and solves mysteries:

Entering the Junior Handlers dog show competition would be difficult, it would take dedication and it might be embarrassing. But Kitty had no idea it would be dangerous. No, Kitty Walker did not expect her life would be threatened, Kitty had bigger worries.

Now I know its NaNoWriMo time, and that means don't fuss and edit, get the story down - plus you should already have a beginning by now. But think about starting a few key chapters with a great opening hook and keep a notebook of ideas for strong openings for when edit time comes around!

Read More

One Bad Word

As an English teacher I have to believe words are good. We want children to read with them, we want them to express themselves verbally with them. We want kids to have a vocabulary that grows. Yet we all cringe when teens use the 'bad' words. I am one who does not want to decipher the student's speech by removing every foul word and stringing the few that are left together.

As a writer, I feel an obligation to my reader to use the correct language, to tell the truth. This is why The Pirate Girl went from being a little kid's picture book to developing into a teen novel. Where there are pirates there is death, and death is not pretty, funny or invisible. Death is ugly and I would be lying to the reader if I left it out.

Now my predicament. My current WIP, Dog Show Detective, is about an 11yr old girl who enters dog shows with her Miniature Schnauzer and manages to solve mysteries as well. All has been going well. Kitty's dog is a boy called Shakespeare. Kitty finds another sick dog who is also a boy. Now Kitty is entering her first show and it is highly unlikely that every dog in the show will be a 'dog', that is, there are sure to be female dogs.

What do I do? Do I just casually drop the word 'bitch' wherever appropriate (the boy lifted his bitch up onto the table for the judge), or do I just use the generic word 'dog' right through? My audience was 10yrs plus, but my 8yr old is enjoying the text enough that I think it may appeal to younger chapter readers. Why is this word a problem for me? Who first took this word from our shared vocabulary and turned it into a 'bad word'?

My gut tells me to leave it out, to use the word dog. This is a happy fun kid's story. But I still worry that I am not telling the truth.

Read More

Long Thoughts on Short Stories

Hurray for deadlines!

Through the writing course, How to Think Sideways (see ink-fever for the link if you're interested, definitely recommended by me), I was this week required to come up with several inspirations for short stories. From those I had to pick three and let my muse suggest ideas. I was not allowed to practically structure the story or put demands on the story. I did however have to give myself a deadline and a word count. This was not my idea of fun.

In my previous post you will see the list I made of the story inspirations, some were ok, some were, well - what the heck would be the use of a time-travelling dog? Just flash from period to period barking at people?

My first choice was about the two old ladies. I sat myself down last night determined to just get a few more ideas for it. I was tired, and I'd forgotten that I work best when I'm tired. I guess I don't have the energy to hold down the muse.

The whole story flowed. I wrote for over an hour and ended up with a 2022 word story (my word count was 2000, so it was creepily close). Now it's a first draft and possibly rubbish, but I'm so proud that I did it!

Write when your tired, write when you really don't want to - you might be surprised at what comes out when you stop trying.

I'll edit the story in a couple of days and then post it here. Now my next assignment - The detective who solves a mystery before the client even leaves his office. Unless the client bought their butler with them, this could be tricky!

Read More

Paper Dolls

Sometimes when we take on courses on a topic we love (and think we already know) it isn't so much to learn something new, but rather to be reminded of something we already knew or that should be obvious.

In the course 'How to Think Sideways' on writing a novel (find a link at ink-fever), I am reminded of the importance of knowing your characters before writing their scenes. 'Well Duh', thinks I, only to be faced with my own shortcomings in this area.

I find I have thought through my main characters to the point of being able to predict their reaction in any given situation, but what of the surrounding characters? In the Dog Show Detective I've been satisfied with my building of my 11yr old girl, who upon embarking on Junior Handler dog show competitions also manages to solve mysteries, and I thought I had created her surrounding world well. Not so. I gave her a mother, a significant relationship with her mother, a father and a little brother - oh and of course a clever but naughty dog!

Curious about software for novel writing, I downloaded a trial for Plot Builder and started to play with it. I started with creating characters and managed to fill all sections easily for my heroine. Next I entered the mother. That was when I realised how little I knew about her. I knew her occupation, her family commitment, but by gosh, I didn't even know what she looked like! Another big shortcoming is that I had not thought through any negative aspects to her personality - and I'm pretty sure as part of the human race, we all have undesirable traits. Without that you are just dangling paper dolls around in the narrative and not people.

What have I learned from this? Don't assume you know what you think you know and writing software may be helpful after all.

Read More